How To Be More Aggressive in Bed With Your Man: She’s a Maneater

How To Be More Aggressive in Bed With Your Man

You look into his eyes.

He knows what is about to happen to him. He is powerless to stop you.

And he DOES NOT want to. You slowly crawl on top of him.

Does it feel good when you grind on a guy?

Your eyes ever locked onto his. It is time for you to make him yours. And…

Then you wake up.

You look over at that same man. He is sound asleep next to you.

You sigh. Your heart is heavy. Your womanhood still wanting.

Oh, if only you could be that same woman from your dreams.

You can.

I am living proof, ladies.

I was sexually repressed for the better part of three decades.

And now, in my late 40s, I OWN my sexuality, and I take what is mine. Let me show you how It’s done.

Sister Christian

No, this isn’t just the title of a Night Ranger song.

That was me. My religious beliefs oppressed me, and that lead me to make some foolish decisions.

Granted, I was only 19, but it happened, nonetheless.

I was 19, and I wanted to have sex.

But I couldn’t because I wasn’t married.

How do I fix that?

Get married to someone I’d known for three months.

Don’t worry. It wasn’t all bad.

We had two beautiful children, and we made it 20 years before we called it quits, but that’s not what we’re here to talk about.

I was 19, married, and a virgin.

That night was literally the most magical night of my life. It was like a scene from a movie.

Then the next day, I was 19, not a virgin, and married.

I never had “the talk” with anyone when I was young, and I thought that sex was not something that I had the power to initiate.

That was my husband’s job. And he wasn’t very good at it.

When he did want to have sex, which was less often than I did, it was always the way HE wanted to do it.

I had no idea what it meant to be sexually aggressive in bed.

What is the Definition of Sexually Aggressive?

When I researched the true definition of this term, I instantly realized why more women don’t feel they can’t be more sexually aggressive.

It LITERALLY took me about ten minutes and three different Google searches before I was able to locate a definition that did not include words like “violence” or “forcing themselves on.”


FINALLY, I ran across an article on a men’s website (of course) that accurately encompassed the TRUE meaning of sexually aggressive.

The report says, “Learning how to be more aggressive in bed doesn’t mean you need to be over-the-top, rough or hurtful. Rather, it means learning how to take more control of the sexual situation in order to please your partner in a way that they find exciting.”

Now, when I say the definition was accurate, I believe that it leaves out a key point: it’s NOT just about taking control to gratify your partner. It’s just as much (or more) about satisfying YOUR SELF!



How to be Aggressive in Bed as a Woman

Ok, I know what you’re thinking. So how did you go from the 19-year-old virgin to the 40-something freak in the bed?

The answer is easy:  I decided to take control of my own sexuality .

No, it’s not something that happened overnight.

No, it’s not something that came without a price.

But the price was worth it, and so was I.

I tried unsuccessfully to become more sexually assertive with my husband, and he was not having it.

I’m not sure if my sex drive was too high, or if he was intimidated by my newly found freedom from becoming sexually aggressive, but it doesn’t matter.

We broke up, and I move on.

How to be More Aggressive in Bed with Your Man

Bam! It Was THAT Easy?


I’d been with one man my entire life, and I almost became convinced I’d never have sex again.

But that thought was fleeting.

I met a man who loved my aggression, and I loved his. We feed off of each other. And that’s when I hit the sweet spot. Let me offer you the steps I took to hit that.

  • Sexuality is a State of Mind – Over time, I allowed myself to accept that I am a sexual being, and my sexual desires are just as important as my partner’s.
  • Getting to “know” YOU – Much like the stigma surrounding sex, masturbation was taboo in my life for a long time. However, So I finally realized a couple of things as far as self-pleasure was concerned: There is zero shame involved in rocking your own world. How can you expect to pleasure anyone else or tell them the right way to satisfy you when you don’t have those answers yourself? You have to learn YOUR body and how to make YOURSELF feel good FIRST.
  • Slow and Steady Win the Race to You Becoming Fast – As with any change that occurs in your life, going headlong into the deep end is probably not the best route. Take your time and ease into being assertive. Each time you have sex with your partner, try a new technique or tactic you’ve wanting to tackle. These steps will give your sex life a boost, and your partner will love this new, unpredictable side of your sexuality.
  • Practice Makes Perfect – Just like any new task you venture into, you’re never going to get it right the first time. PRACTICE on being more sexually assertive with your partner. I promise that it will be the most fun you’ve ever had going over, and over, and over the same thing. Eventually, you will find a level of aggressiveness with which you are both comfortable.
  • Don’t JUST take your toys and go home – Adult toys are an excellent tool for ANY woman’s life for multiple reasons. They are helpful in your personal quest to understand just what turns you on and how. They are mui caliente when it comes to putting some spice in your love life. Taking the initiative to suggest a trip to the toy store can be a simple, somewhat unintimidating step in your quest to B-E AGGRESSIVE! What boy doesn’t love toys? This can be a fantastic way to not only bond with your partner but open up dialogue about what fantasies you had both been unwilling or able to discuss with one another.
  • Rome Wasn’t Built in a Day – While you love every moment of your newfound sexual freedom, keep in mind that you had to make mental adjustments to get to that point. Your partner may need some time to adjust to the new sexually aggressive you. Be patent. And enjoy the ride.

Top Five Sex Toys To Be the Queen of Sexual Assertion:

1. Finger Vibrator

I would recommend this little gem for multiple reasons:

  • You are starting “small” because its price tag is LOW. If this turns out not to be for you (which I HIGHLY doubt), you haven’t made an enormous investment.
  • This is a VIRTUAL tool! Not only does it offer clitoral stimulation – making it a GREAT “self-starter” toy.
  • Your man will also love what the vibration does for him, and this will give you your first opportunity to have him under your spell while you touch and tease him at YOUR will.
2. Bondage Kit

If you have ever thought about getting your dominatrix on, this is a WONDERFUL starter kit.

  • It comes with seven essential items to tie him up, time him down, and whip him into submission. Or, just because he does that to you doesn’t mean you’re NOT sexually aggressive. It was YOUR idea, right?
  • Again, if you are just testing the waters with this little S&M kit, you won’t break the bank.
  • It comes with a carrying case, so you can discreetly carry it with you on a hot hotel staycation, and it will keep the contents from little prying eyes around your house.
3. Prostate Massager

This one is for him, ladies.

  • Your man’s g-spot is in his prostate. If you get that stimulated with this little gem, he will be putty in your hands forever.
4. Warming Water Based Lube

This lubricant will give you the warm and fuzzies in just the right places.

And because it’s water-based, you won’t feel ookie after playtime is over.

5. Kinky Sex Games

There is no better way to build a better bond between you and your partner than to play a game – a sex game specifically, and this one is HOT!

  • This game, as with most, will take you both out of your comfort zones in a good way, as you will be exploring together.
  • This game also lends itself to roleplay if that is something you have wanted to try.

Once I found my footing and comfort zone with being sexually aggressive, I didn’t feel the need to hide behind the toys, but they continue to remain a fun part of playtime.

Other Ways to be Aggressive in Bed

You’ve tried the toys.

You’ve taken it slow.

So what else can you do to show your partner you mean business when you hit the sheets?

  • If you have a scheduled day and time for your lovin’, GET OFF OF IT!

Try waking him up in the middle of the night or just before the alarm goes off to a bit of oh la la.

You will be AMAZED by his reaction.

  • Not much into oral? I can almost bet HE is. Give it another try!
There are ways to orally pleasure your man without getting yourself “in too deep.”

Try licking and nibbling your partner’s “parts.”

I promise if he has been resistant to your aggression up to that point, it will fly out the window.

  • Tease him and please him!
Aggression and assertiveness can sometimes almost come across as passive, and this is the way to prove that.

Begin by getting your mouth close to his, and as he goes to kiss you, pull away.

Don’t allow him to kiss you until YOU are ready.

As you slowly work your way down his body, he will have fallen in love with you all over again, and he will NOT want to be under your spell.

Wait, there’s more.

I offer 15 more tips on how to keep your man happy in bed.

An Aggressive End

While becoming aggressive in bed may seem awkward at first, it will soon become second nature, as with anything new.

You will be more sexually fulfilled because you will have learned what makes you feel good and how to do it.

You will have shown your partner the way, too.

With the addition of toys in the playroom, uh, I mean BEDROOM, you and your man will be having fun, fun, fun till your kiddies take your daddy away.

Then, as you add different techniques to your tool kit, you will show him you’re aggressive, you mean it, and he is there for YOUR pleasure just as much as you are his.

When you add all of these things together, you have a happy wife (you), which will make for a happy life (for the both of you).

 So take a chance, start slow, and show him who’s boss.  


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