How To Get Over Your Boyfriend Sleeping With Someone Else
He just dropped the bomb on you: at some point in your relationship, he slept with another woman.
Whether this was in your talking stage or on a break, it is still a shock that can hit you right in the heart.
How could he do this to me? Am I not enough?
Before we dive into this article and look at the nitty-gritty details, we need to get a few things out of the way.
First, if your boyfriend slept with someone else and you are in a committed and exclusive relationship, this article is not for you. Dump his ass.
He made a commitment to you and ultimately broke it. This includes a situation where my boyfriend won’t cut ties with his ex.
You are worth so much more than that and do not deserve to be sleeping with a cheating scumbag. Hold your head up and get back on the dating apps.
There are incredible and loyal men out there waiting for you.
Now, if you are still reading, you may be wondering:
- What should I do if we are not exclusive and he is sleeping with someone else?
- How do I deal with the guy I like sleeping with someone else?
- What if my boyfriend slept with someone else on a break?
- Or what if he slept with someone during our talking stage?
Read on as we discuss these situations and find out more.
He Told Me He Slept With Someone Else
So this is where the story starts. Your boyfriend just told you he slept with someone else.
You might be filled with anger and feel betrayed, but it’s not quite time to throw away the relationship just yet.
At this point, it is important for you to consider how this conversation happened. Was he sorry when he told you?
His attitude and the context in which he revealed this secret is crucial to the future of your relationship.Communication is important for a strong relationship and eventual marriage if he was telling you about this fling as a way to clear the air and ensure there were no secrets, it is not time to throw the relationship away.
You can grow together from this and build an even stronger future.
However, if this was brought up during a fight or you found out through a third party you need to ask yourself the following questions.
I have been in this situation before, just after meeting a guy. We weren’t official yet, but shortly after we started sleeping together, he told me he had also been sleeping with someone else when we had first met.
He had also continued to sleep with her while we went on our first dates.
I was devastated and angry. I remember thinking, “The guy I like was sleeping with someone else?! How will we move past this!?”.
As it turns out, honesty was exactly what we needed to set boundaries in our own relationship and also discuss our expectations.
For us, a relationship was not in the cards. I wanted more than he could offer and we were not as compatible as we originally thought.
However, through that split, we were able to maintain a friendship and I was able to go on to meet the love of my life.
Talking Out The Doubt
Whether he slept with someone else before you were official or your relationship was not exclusive, your anger and sense of broken trust are valid in this process.
Let’s face it, you aren’t really as upset about what he did as you are about what it could mean for the two of you.
By sleeping with someone else, even in the early stages of dating, he is feeding your insecurities and making you ask the question: can I trust him now that we are an official couple?
This is a valid question because how do you know if a guy sleeps around?
To alleviate these fears and the newly planted doubt in your connection, you need to return to the cornerstones of a good relationship: communication and trust.
How do you do this?You need to face your fear and talk to him about your feelings.
How to Communicate With Your Man
- First, explain why you are concerned about him sleeping with someone before your were exclusive. If he cares about you, he will validate these emotions and let you express yourself.
- Second, ask him to define exclusivity. Make sure you are both on the same page now. This will ease your fears that you can’t trust him. This will also help you know if he is sleeping around – newsflash, if he is, dump him.
- Then, give your own definition of exclusivity. A relationship is a two-way street. In order to grow together, you need to also define your own boundaries.
After completing these steps, you can work together to find common ground. This may look like recommitting to exclusivity to ease your doubts.
This may also mean discussing boundaries in what you share – maybe you don’t want to hear about his past sexual exploits!
Either way, consider this step a way to recommit to the connection you have.
If He Is Not Communicating
As you complete the steps above, you might notice your man becoming distant, not cooperating, or giving bullshit excuses for his behavior. This is unacceptable.
Your man should want to have this conversation and work out the broken trust between you.
He may use that you were not exclusive as an excuse for why he was sleeping with someone else, but a man who is making excuses is not a man who is respecting the feelings of his partner.
Yes, we all make mistakes, and you yourself might have slept with another man during the talking stage, however, discussion and recommitment are a key part of moving past this hurt.
Your man should want to make you feel comfortable in your relationship.
If He Slept With Someone While On A Break
This is a trickier situation than if he had slept with someone before you were official.
You have had that trusting relationship and exchanged I love yous.
A fight or other obstacles may have gotten in the way of your connection and caused you to split paths for a time. He slept with someone during your break.
How do you move on from there?
- The first step to reconciliation is remembering that you were broken up for a reason. Something didn’t work and you both needed time to work through those feelings. This does not make either of you a saint or a villain – once again, this does not apply to toxic or manipulative men! – and understanding this is a key part of reconciliation.
- Second, remember he chose you. Yes, he may have hooked up with Chelsea from Chi Omega, but right now he is choosing you and choosing to fix your relationship. Chelsea from Chi Omega is no longer in the picture and that’s because their connection has nothing on yours.
- Finally, assess your own feelings. Do you truly love him? If so, you will want to be with him no matter what his situation with the other girl was. If he loves you, he will be willing to listen to your feelings on the matter.
I was the person who slept with someone else during a break.
For me, I knew immediately that this hook-up was just an attempt to slap my emotions on another person and test the waters beyond my relationship.
I don’t regret what I did, so don’t make your man regret it either.
By taking this time during our break, I was able to explore other relationships and ultimately become a better partner.
Sometimes this time apart is where you grow the most and learn to truly appreciate what you had.
At the end of the day, you know your man best.
I can sit here and tell you to talk it out and build your relationship on trust and communication, but if you feel a pit in your stomach and don’t think you can rebuild that trust, you have to move on.
Trust yourself to gauge the situation.
You may know you found yourself a good man. You may want to forgive him and find a way through this.
Or you might be sitting here reading this article hoping I tell you to break up.
Well, if you are part of the latter: break up with him.
This is your life and ultimately your decision.Choose the path that brings you the most joy and choose a man who recognizes your worth. If he cares about you he will have these conversations.
Remember, if your relationship continues forward and you both treat each other with respect, this will just be a blip in your love story.
As always, you’ve got this!