How to Keep Your Man Happy In Bed
You know the old cliché about “boring married couples?” Or, the endless advice to “spice up your sex life!”
You don’t want to end up asking this: Why Is My Boyfriend Losing Interest in Me Sexually?
Read on. We will promise to get it fixed.
Believe it or not, there’s actually a scientific reason behind the drive for trying new things in bed.
The Coolidge Effect is the psychological reason that some men fantasize about being with a blonde when they’re married to a brunette, or why role-playing is so popular.
Before you throw your hands up thinking that you’re doomed, understand that this can work to your advantage!
Knowing how your man is thinking and how keep him happy in bed, even in the long run, will keep him wanting and coming (pun intended) back for more.Keeping your man happy in bed is easy.
Most guys, especially in long-term relationships, are happy just to keep having sex with you.
I’ve learned that showing your man what you like is the easiest way to blow his mind and give him ideas about returning the favor.
Trust me, when you’re happy – he’s happy.
Wanting to keep your man happy in bed isn’t about catering to his every whim and totally ignoring your own pleasure.
In fact, what I’m about to tell you is actually quite the opposite of that mindset.
However, if you’re curious about how to take it to the next level and make him feel like he needs to get down and worship the ground you walk on, you’re in the right place.
1. Show, Don’t Tell
Nothing is sexier to a man than a woman who feels confident and comfortable in her own skin and who isn’t afraid to enjoy herself in the bedroom.
However, most women aren’t the most forward about sharing their sexual desires with even a trusted, long-term partner.
According to Psychology Today, the biggest complaint from ladies in new relationships is that their partner isn’t having sex with them. While this probably isn’t a huge surprise to us, it can be very confusing to the opposite sex.
Even after a couple years of marriage, I’m no exception to this insecurity when it comes to telling my hubby what I want in bed, what feels good, or what I would like him to try differently.
My secret is super simple – I show him how good something can feel by demonstration. (And I’m not talking about the demonstrations you saw in your science class).
Take foreplay, for example. Guys typically aren’t the best at it.
They’re so focused on getting to the “good part” that they can sometimes rush right through the warm-up stage. That’s a total mistake! Let me tell you why.
- Slowing things down heightens the experience. You man probably doesn’t know it, but he really likes foreplay, too. To slow things down naturally, I like to take over this part and make every second count.
- You can demonstrate what you want. Men usually aren’t the most creative in this department, so when it’s their turn to reciprocate, they will usually give back what you gave.
If you want him to kiss your neck and ears, then kiss his neck and ears. If you want him to pay extra attention to a certain body part, show him what it feels like.
If you want him to use his tongue a certain way, give a demo and ask him how it feels. He may not do all of it, but I can almost guarantee that he will be eager to show you how good he is at it, also.
- The buildup. Ah, yes. The buildup. The elusive feeling that most of us crave to know that we’re on our way to an explosive orgasm. The female climax is a complete mystery to most guys. Creating a buildup through teasing will bring you closer and totally blow his mind (this one is so important that I’m going to talk more about it later on).
- More prep time for you = better sex for both. I’ve found that even when I’m focused on my partner, I still become more aroused. Extending this time before you get to the main event will only make that moment better. Plus, there’s nothing hotter than when you’re already um… ready… when he first touches you “down there.”
2. Slow it Down
Psychologists have studied ways to increase pleasure and happiness, not just sexually, but in all areas of life.
Those in the field of positive psychology express the importance of slowing down and savoring moments to enhance pleasure.
It’s no wonder that these same concepts apply to pleasure in the bedroom. If you feel like taking the reins, show your partner how a little slow-mo action can turn up the heat.
Did you know the average sex session only lasts three to ten minutes?
Don’t worry, there’s a lot you can do even with a short amount of time. Here are a few things to try:
- Start With The Basics
Start with kissing – slowwww kissing. Put your hands on the side of his face, or one on the back of his neck.
Pull him in like you need it to live. This will get his attention and make him feel like you can’t get enough of him.
(Hello – ego boost!)
- Don’t neglect the neck
Before my husband and I were married, you know, what most people would refer to as “back in the good old days,” I tried this on him.
His response: “I had no idea that felt so good.”
Slow kissing on the side of the neck is well-known, but did you know that running your tongue slowly, and I mean slowly, down the front of the neck is toe-curling good?
Give it a try! Then, do the same thing up and down each side of the neck, very slowly.
From there, you can also hit the earlobes with some sucking and nibbling. Gently put the tip of your tongue just inside the ear, it’s super unexpected and feels amazing.
It’s no coincidence that those spots feel so damn good.
The nape of the neck and the earlobes are some of the less obvious erogenous zones that you should never ignore.
- Focus on each other
Slowing down allows you to pay attention to your partner’s responses and breathing.
It helps both of you get a better sense of what’s working.
Making eye contact is easier when you’re taking your time. Science has even shown that gazing into your partner’s eyes can improve arousal for him and for you.
3. Take Charge
There’s a reason that it’s a cliché that men like when a woman initiates sex.
Just like we like to feel sexy and desired, your guy does, too (even though he won’t ever admit it). Nothing says “I want you” more than saying, “I want you.”
Taking charge in the bedroom isn’t just about initiating sex. It can also involve taking control while in-the-act, like climbing on top or just giving some simple commands.
If you really want to get his attention, try your hand at dominating him. (For a more detailed look at role-play, see tip #7). You can start simple by just telling him not to move until you say so, or make some rules about when he’s allowed to touch you.
If you really want to blow his mind, tie a necktie over his eyes and keep him guessing about where you might touch or kiss him next!
4. Let Him Take Charge
Sometimes, your man really just wants to be “the man.” Getting back to his primal roots can generate a whole new level of sexual satisfaction.
I’ve never met a guy who didn’t enjoy giving out some light spankings (or hard ones, depending on your preference).
If this isn’t in your normal bedroom routine, suggest or encourage it, and I can guarantee it will take your sex life to a whole new level.
Other ways you can let your man take charge are with light choking, hair pulling, dirty talk, or just letting him do his favorite positions. As long as you’re both into it, a little rough sex can totally change the dynamic in your bedroom.
There’s biological and scientific reasons that men like to engage in a little rough play in bed.
In a survey of over 4,000 Americans, Dr. Justin Lehmiller found that one of the most common responses (from both men and women) about top sexual fantasies was rough sex.
(To find out more about the science behind sexual fantasies and desires, I highly recommend Dr. Lehmiller’s book, available on Amazon.com – Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life).
5. Improve the Lighting
I’m not talking about a romantic evening with candles and light music, though most guys wouldn’t mind that, either. As you may recall, keeping your man happy in bed involves keeping yourself happy, too.
Nothing makes a woman feel more like a goddess in bed than when she feels like she looks sexy. When you’re not thinking about your cellulite and stretch marks, you can focus more on being in the moment.
Warm, soft lighting does wonders for covering your flaws and making you look and feel sexy. It also helps you can both relax and enjoy the moment.
Don’t forget, men are visual creatures, so they like to be able to see your body when you’re getting busy.
I took to Reddit to find out some preferences from real guys out there, and overwhelmingly found that men like the lights on, but prefer soft or dim lights. (Hey, they want to set the mood!)
This is something quick and easy that you can do any night of the week. Get a small lamp with warm lighting and turn off your bright overhead light.
For something a little more romantic, I recommend these massage candles that are 100% natural blend of hemp and cosmetic-grade oils.
You can actually use your massage candle daily as a warm after-bath or shower moisturizer.
6. Wear Something Sexy
Like I said, men are visual creatures.
Seeing you wearing something extra sexy is a sure-fire way to keep them happy in bed. (It also goes back to that “novelty” thing I mentioned earlier).
Putting on something sexy doesn’t mean a special trip to buy expensive lingerie – it can be done with items that you probably already have in your closet.
A lacy pair of panties paired with your high heels and some red lipstick turns you into his instant fantasy. Or, if he has a favorite sports team, pull on a jersey with just a pair of undies underneath.
How about wearing a cheeky lace panty that stimulates his visual and yourself?
“Sexy” is a relative term.
Spend some time asking your man what he likes and pay attention to what he thinks is sexy.
7. Role Play
Role playing can mean a lot of different things. Not only can it really spice things up, but it can be a great outlet for you to do and say things that you might be too shy for normally.
Most of all, it satisfies that need for novelty that our brains have, and it gives your man a taste of something new and different right in your own bedroom.
Here are some easy ideas for role-playing that you can try tonight:
- The stripper – Give a little striptease or lap dance, then role-play that your “client” is paying for a little something extra.
- Massage therapy – Start out with a sensual massage, then you’re a naughty therapist giving out a happy ending.
- One-night-stand or Strangers – Role play that you just met each other in a bar and let him take you home. You can even make up some new names for the evening!
- Porn stars – If you want to make it extra spicy, set up a camera and film yourselves as you act out your “scene.”
- Domination/Submission – Bring out your inner “Fifty Shades of Grey,” and let him totally take control. Or try it the other way around.
Check out this Sex Probz video on YouTube about how to try your hand at role-playing as a dominatrix.
8. Take it Outside the Bedroom
A common request with men is to have sex somewhere other than just your bedroom. In your own home or apartment, the possibilities are endless.
Think about it: shower, sofa, desk, dining table, washer/dryer, floor… surprise him one night with a trail of clothes leading him to the secret location and he will be full of excitement by the time he sees you.
9. Surprise Him
Nothing is more exciting that an unexpected sex session. When he gets home from work, be waiting for him in the bedroom, naked and ready to go.
Or, when he’s watching the game, slip down onto the floor in front of the sofa and unzip his pants.
Catching him by surprise with how much you want him is a tried-and-true way to keep your man happy.
10. Dirty Talk
Dirty talk isn’t for everyone. If you’ve tried it and you feel silly, you’re not alone.
The good news is that it doesn’t have to be as cheesy-sounding as you might imagine. Dirty talk is more than just the ridiculous things they say in porn movies.
Don’t worry we have you covered on what to say when a guy asks how wet you are.
Talk dirty as a way to communicate with your man, let him know how he’s doing. If it feels good, say so! If you want him to go faster or slow down – let him know! Let your imagination relax and just say how he’s making you feel.
You might be surprised at how easy it really is.
11. Try Something New
Really, it can be anything. Try a new position, a new location, new clothes, new foreplay move. You can do your hair differently, or wear those high heels. It doesn’t matter what it is, but he will notice when something is different.
Plus, your guy will think it’s super hot that you did a little research about something new to try in bed.
It lets him know you were thinking about him in a very sexy way.
12. Improve Your Oral Skills
Okay, this one is really important.
I could give a whole workshop on how to give great oral sex, but I’ll keep this one brief.
If you’re willing and your man enjoys it, do this as much as you can. Even if he doesn’t say so, he really appreciates it.
Don’t just give him oral sex with gel on his birthday or special occassions, make it a part of your normal foreplay routine if you can. He might even return the favor if he doesn’t already.
Change up your tempo and depth, move your tongue around.
He will feel every bit of it and trust me, he will let you know.
13. Make Love
Even though your man might not admit it, guys like to go slow and sweet sometimes, too.
Next time you’re getting started, ask him to go slow. Look into each other’s eyes and use your hands to touch all over his face and chest.
Get into a rhythm and try to sync up your breathing. It can make a huge difference in the connection you have and the pleasure level.
Slow sex can even result in stronger orgasms.
14. Create Anticipation
If you’re planning to try out some of these tips tonight, I want you to do something right now.
Take out your phone, send your partner a text, and tell him that you really can’t wait to see him tonight.
Include a sexy emoji and let him know that you’ve been thinking about him all day. Maybe send a sexy selfie to show him what he’s missing.
When your man knows you’re at home thinking about him, he will be in a huge rush to get through the front door to see what you’ve got planned.
15. Do it Often
Most men don’t expect anything crazy in the bedroom.
They’re with you, and they enjoy having sex with you. You don’t have to pretend like you’re a porn star every night to keep your man happy.
My secret to a happy husband after years of marriage is to keep having sex, as much as you can, as often as you like.
Your man doesn’t need you suspended from the ceiling to enjoy sex with you, he just needs you to show up – physically and emotionally. Nothing is worse than a partner who isn’t really “into it.”
If you are having a hard time making time for romance, schedule it. I would challenge you to commit to having sexy time with your man at least three times per week and see if it doesn’t do wonders for your relationship.
These tips are not some secret formula that you couldn’t think of yourself, but they are things that work.
Remember, keeping your man happy in bed is about more than just him – it’s about you!
When you enjoy romantic time with your partner, it shows.
He will see it and feel it, and it will make the whole experience better.
Trying these out will help you communicate better, try new things, spice it up, and hopefully have a great time in your bedroom.
Do you want to step up a notch?
Then make sure to learn how to be more aggressive in bed with your man.
Frequently Asked Questions
One survey of sex therapists' views about how long vaginal intercourse could last before ejaculation found that one to two minutes was "too little," three to seven minutes was "adequate," and seven to thirteen minutes was "desirable".
He may be good in bed if he enjoys sex and is open-minded.
It's also a positive sign if he is calm, attentive, and willing to please his partner.
If he knows what he needs to do to hit his peak, then he is good in bed.
When sexual abstinence is forced on people, it can have a negative impact on their mental health.
People who do not have sexual desire, on the other hand, may find these feelings distressing.
When a person is in a relationship and does not have sex, they can feel insecure or anxious.