My Boyfriend Has Dirty Pictures of His Ex

So I Found Some Nudes…

Okay, so I have a situation many of us in the dating scene have dealt with.

My boyfriend still has pictures of his ex on his phone.

And I have a confession to make.

The other morning, my girlfriend woke up late, not late to work, just late. Her phone had died in the middle of the night, and neither of us had any idea what time it was.

So I let her use my phone, she had my unlock code and I trust her. My bank accounts are using different passwords and emails. Everything was and still is backed up multiple times, so it was never a concern to me.

I didn’t even think twice about it. But perhaps I should have.

Because that afternoon, I was greeted with a fairly stolid girlfriend. I had made extra sure I had fed the kitten and taken out her dog.

But for some reason I just wasn’t getting through. It was pretty bewildering.

Turns out, she had told her roommate, “I saw pictures of my boyfriend and his ex,” and her roommate clued me in the next morning.

Don’t Backpedal

Lying, as I have always found, is the easy way out of a hard situation, so it’s not something you should try with my significant other, as it will always make a situation worse.

And she had me pegged to rights. There are indeed pictures of my ex, nude, on my phone, saved through a cloud service. So what she saw definitely flew some red flags.

I also don’t blame her in the slightest.

This girl had gone to bed next to me, completely confident in our relationship, and woke up the next day in a slight panic to get to work and saw something that she wasn’t expecting.

 Disloyalty. 

Listen to Perspective, Not Your Assumption

See, we had both been single for quite some time, and had been living our lives.

We hooked up and she turned out pregnant. Neither one of us was expecting or trying to be parents, but we both hold strong parental values. 

We survived the early stages of dating – compatibility, body count, and why do guys ask how far you’ve gone?

So we decided to do the whole, live together and figure this thing out.

When she found nudes of my ex, it wasn’t necessarily the most confrontational or outright crass cheating one could expect or deeply fear in a lengthy relationship.

We were just hot off the press, and still figuring each other out.

So instead of being accusatory or what have you, she simply asked me, when she had time to gather her thoughts, if I still loved her.

The answer was I did. I told her that I was never one to be able to cut my mind or heart off from someone I learned to love. I still love my high school sweetheart for Christ’s sake.

I have also, never been in a position I couldn’t walk away from.

She wasn’t happy, and she wasn’t exactly ready to accept or handle that. 

But at the end of the day, I’m standing here trying to figure out how to be a good dad, and not out chasing tail, or constantly hollering at other girls. 

Which I think came to say something more than what I had said, or what she had seen.

Otherwise. I wouldn’t still be here.

And to be honest, I don’t know when the hammer will drop.

It’s not in my control.

Everyone has Justifications

To shoot my own defense, I’m a total Cassanova type.

So it’s almost expected that I would be the kind of asshole to have 2 or 3 options.

Normally, yes. I was looking for something special, playing the field so to speak.

But a pregnancy put that game to a stop, I mean I have always wanted a kid. I came from a not-so-sewn-together household, I have memories that to this day drive me.

Kids are a really big part of that. So when she told me she was expecting, I dropped what I needed to to be present, cause I’ll be damned if I wasn’t going to be a present dad.

So while she found those nudes the morning following the night we slept next to each other, after two months mind you. I wasn’t looking at them, I was digging for my resume to find better work. 

And I’m in this for the kid.

If Meant to Be

So all of that being said. If your boyfriend still has pictures of his ex on his phone. 

Confront that. I mean really.

Their immediate reaction should tell you all you need to know about where their head is at when it comes to your relationship.

If you happen to even get the idea your significant other is being dismissive or reacting in disgust or anger. That’s a bad sign. 

Pull the pin, dump that clutch. 

What have you.

And I’ll even go so far as to shoot myself in the foot on this one, but give even brazen honesty a good triple check.

Because at the end of the day, actions speak a hell of a lot louder than words, whether or not they are noticed.

And trust me, people notice. At least the right ones do.

It’s Not Easy

Look, I’m in my 30’s, brand new dad and all that, and I can tell you that this relationship stuff is hard. It’s not made any easier by the media culture we live in, or by our forebears and their standards.

Nuclear families used to be a thing, but are now relatively impossible for an increasing number of Americans, and ultimately impractical. Can you imagine as a single mom or dad, purchasing two cars, a home, and a college education with little to no debt in your 30’s in 2021?

The world has moved on, so to speak, and the boundaries that describe our relationships with each other has changed along with them. 

For instance, when your boyfriend still has his ex picture on Facebook, take a step back.

Yes they may still have feelings there, or maybe they just haven’t cared enough to go in and commit surgery on their own memories or heart.

It might not have the same importance you carry for it, just hear them out.

So You Found Some Nudes

So if you have a girlfriend who tells you, “I found dirty pictures on my boyfriend’s phone.”

Sit down with her and help her reason it out. As small as it may seem it is a crisis that deserves attention.

And from experience, your friend may be very defensive, “I caught my boyfriend looking at pictures of his ex!” It may take a bit to get her to calm down.

Do you trust the guy, or gal? That’s a big one.

Do you actually like him, or her? Another big one.

Infatuation is a hell of a drug, and love, despite pro’s or cons, goes so much deeper than he said, she said stuff.

My ex fiance caught me looking at pictures of my prom date once, and I explained to her that I’m a very nostalgic person. We went on to have a very happy and healthy relationship for a few years.

Also, how new is the relationship? Relationships are something that grow, and we are human. We get attached easily, and hurt easily, but if this person treats you well, is kind to you, and seeks to be understood without demanding you see things their way.

Well that’s a good sign of healthy communication, which means things have the opportunity to grow.

However, if you found those nudes, and your ex is denying them, or just outright lying to you then take a breather, make sure you are correct. 

Then find the iciest way to get them out of your life, every relationship is tied to mutual respect and honesty and you, boy or girl, man or woman, deserve that. 

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