Why Does He Keep Looking at My Online Dating Profile
Ugh – online dating. Am I right, ladies?
I swear, some days I wish we lived in the times when gentleman callers would just show up at our doors, desperate to court us until we agreed to marry them.
Oh, what an easy life it would be.
No wondering why the text messages we send them say “read” but they haven’t bothered to reply in three days.
No seemingly amazing first dates followed by radio silence.No swiping, no benching , no ghosting.
Best of all, no questioning exactly what is going through these guys’ heads when they look at our online profiles.
Have you found yourself wondering things like:
• Why is my ex looking at my profile?
• Why does this guy who has never even messaged me keep liking my pics?
Or, my personal favorite:
• Why does the guy I’m dating still check his dating apps?
Girls, I feel you. If you’re like me – you find yourself flabbergasted daily at the things men say and do.
Let’s talk through some common scenarios that we too often find ourselves dumbfounded by in #onlinedatinglife and how to deal with them.
1. The Case of the Ex
We’ve all been there at one point or another – that pesky old boyfriend haunting your page, randomly liking your pics after months of no contact.
You were obviously not compatible- maybe you’re both seeing other people and you agreed to consider your relationship as nothing more than a memory.
So, what is with the random like or view?
Is he genuinely curious about your wellbeing? Maybe.
Is he desperate to know who his replacement is? More likely.
The fact is, men want to know what you’ve been up to since you’ve been gone.
Are you out there living your best life without him, more beautiful and successful than ever before?
Or- have you done a complete downward spiral since the break-up, making it obvious that you were better off with him?
How long does it take a man to realize what he lost?
It sometimes takes men longer than women to realize just how much they miss what they had, and the hurt from the loss of the relationship can take longer to surface.
He’s checking out your pics to see that gorgeous face of yours and remember the good times that he’s hoping will come again.
Poke – remember me? In case you forgot I existed, here’s your friendly reminder.
Now that you’re thinking of me, take a look at my profile and see how amazing I’m doing since we broke things off – or how lost I am without you.
How to deal with your Ex:
First, figure out how it makes you feel that he is looking.
Is this someone that you want back in your life in any sense?
Now, think about it again – there was a reason you broke up.
Is he the type who doesn’t want you but doesn’t want anyone else to have you either?
This is too often the case in this scenario, and it is a major red flag.
If you want to keep him in the past, the best option may be to block him from looking at your social media pages or dating profiles at all.
This will also help you in those lonely tequila-infused moments when you type his name in the search bar – just to see what he’s up to.
Of course, it is possible that you find yourself incredibly happy and relieved that he’s still thinking about you and know in your heart of hearts that he is a genuine person that you don’t want to give up on.
If this is the case, go ahead and reach out to him.
Maybe you want to hear what he has to say about why he is looking after all.
I once had an ex add me on Instagram three YEARS after we broke up.
I had finally gotten over him and then there he was looking better than ever, smiling with his dog in his profile pic.
He started liking everything I posted notifications of his username popping up on my feed daily.
Despite all of the reasons I knew we weren’t right for each other, memories of good times filled my mind, along with thoughts of hope that maybe ‘what is meant to be always comes back.’
Eventually, I decided to message him.
I kept It simple – just asking how he had been and what he was up to.
He never bothered to write back, which brought back all of the feelings of heartbreak I had experienced when he left me.
It was literally as if he just wanted to remind me that he was out there and make me remember what we had.
He clearly didn’t want to get back together, or even be friends – he just wanted to make me think about him.
I blocked him – promising myself never to go down that rabbit hole again.
Learn to follow your intuition in these kinds of situations.
It is seldom wrong.
2. The Not Ex-actly an Ex
This is a guy you’ve matched with, chatted with, and maybe even gone on a date or two with.
Then he ghosts you.
This could happen to any single lady out there: he ghosted me after sleeping with me.
He disappears into thin November air, right when you were hoping he’d keep you cozy through winter hibernation.
So why is he randomly resurfacing-liking your pics or slipping into your DM’s after you thought he would remain a distant memory?
Of course he does-he wishes he would have handled things differently, and wants to see if you’re still available.
Can we blame him for keeping his options open? Yes, we can.
He liked you but thought perhaps he could like someone else even more- so he put you on the back burner while he explored who else was interested in him.
If there is one thing I’ve learned, it is that timing is everything.
Perhaps it wasn’t the time back then-but it could be now and he wants to see if you’re game.
How to deal with your Not Ex-actly an Ex:
Again, it depends on how you feel and will depend on the circumstances surrounding his explanation for the ghost – if you want to give him the chance to explain.
If you are interested in chatting with him about a second chance- go ahead and message him.
Or simply give the dog a bone and like one of his pics back – he’ll get the hint and make the first move.
For me, this guy was Evan. He was extremely good-looking and was constantly messaging me after we matched.
He flirt-texted me all day long for weeks and I patiently waited for him to ask me out, but the invite didn’t come.
I finally suggested that we meet for drinks, positive we would hit it off even more in person, and was beyond excited when he agreed.
Evan didn’t show up to our date.
I could no longer view his profile, and my texts went unanswered.
I felt rejected and completely confused, wondering what it was I had done to scare him off.
A few months later, his profile was back and so were his messages to me.
He explained that he had gotten back together with his ex-girlfriend right before our date – one last try at the relationship before he started dating other girls that he could see himself falling in love with, like me.
It didn’t work out (again) with her and he couldn’t stop thinking about me – would I let him make it up to me with dinner?
That was a hard no for me.
It clearly wasn’t over with his ex, and I wasn’t about to go through another ghosting when he decided to go back to her.
3. The Silent Creeper
Why does the same person keep looking at my profile?You’ve never directly spoken to this guy.
Maybe you’ve matched – perhaps you’ve even messaged him with no response.
Yet he lingers, almost silently, just enough to make you know he’s there.
He’s doing what the young generation calls ‘breadcrumbing’- dropping tiny morsels of interest but really giving you nothing to work with.
What’s his issue?
You can bet this guy is interested in you, but there’s something holding him back from actually trying to pursue you.
In his mind, you’re the princess and he’s the pauper.
He doesn’t see the point of trying to message you because he’s pretty certain you won’t respond, and he doesn’t know if he can take that sting.
He’s in one of those quasi-relationships that’s not nothing, but not the thing.
He’s not ready to ruin it yet by pursuing someone else, but is seeing who his options are- and hoping you are one of them.
How to deal with this creeper:
If you get a creepy vibe, go ahead and block him.
If he is someone you’re interested in, make a move!
This is obviously a guy that is intimidated by you and just needs a little assurance that you would give an ordinary guy like him a second glance.
I once matched with a super cute nerdy dreamboat that wasn’t my usual type- but I found myself oddly attracted to him.
He would like my pics, and I would like his.
I got sick of waiting for him to message me, so I took the initiative and sent a flirty ‘hello’ message.
He never replied!
I ended up running into him at bar – he was easily recognizable with his thick-framed glasses and beard.
With vodka-fueled confidence, I flat out asked him why he didn’t think I was good enough for a message back.
He innocently replied: “I thought you messaged me by accident.”
He thought a ‘girl like me’ would never be interested in a ‘guy like him’ – but boy, was he wrong.
We went on a couple of dates after that, but it turns out that I was the more interested party and he ended up breaking it off.
4. Your man – or so you thought?
You’ve swiped. You’ve matched. You’ve messaged.
You got through the awkward first date, on to an incredible second, and are now texting sweet nothings by day, cuddling up to Netflix) at night.
He tells you how much he adores you, and you are certain that all of the online dating disasters have been worth it and led you to him – your boyfriend?
Then you notice him slyly checking his Tinder or friend messages you wondering why your man still has his profile up if he is off the market.
Here’s what might be going through his head:
He wants to know that he’s a wanted man, worthy of swipes from cute girls.
This is frustrating: my boyfriend won’t cut ties with his ex.
Even if you are giving him all the compliments and attention in the world, some guys just get off on knowing other girls want them.
He really likes you, and while he hopes that you feel the same-he isn’t sure.
He knows you’ve been doing the ‘dating’ thing but doesn’t really know where you stand or if you’re seeing other people.
He doesn’t want to be the idiot that puts all of his eggs in one basket, while you are still out there fishing.
He is unsure, for whatever reason.
Maybe it is a character trait, and he is just a playboy by nature.
Make sure to learn how to tell if a guy came recently.
Maybe he thought he wanted a relationship with you but realized he wasn’t ready.
How to deal with your man cheating:
- Talk. It. Out.
This is a time when you have to communicate, no matter how awkward the conversation may be.
Have you had ‘the talk’ yet?
Are you actually official, or does it just seem like it?
Until you agree on mutual exclusivity, he may honestly not know where your relationship status is or where you want to be.
If you have already decided that you are a couple – it is absolutely reasonable to ask for him to delete those apps and profiles for good.
There is no reason to have a dating profile or app, other than to see who else is out there.
Don’t let him tell you otherwise – make this an absolute non-negotiable if you are going to continue this relationship exclusively.
I just had this unfortunate experience with the last guy I dated.
In my eyes, we were in honeymoon bliss and loving every second of our new relationship.
We were hanging out at least three times a week and texting every day.
Then an acquaintance messaged me and told me that the guy I was posting pictures with had just matched with her on Tinder the day before.
I was embarrassed and caught off guard – I hadn’t even thought to actually ask him to delete the dating apps, it seemed like an obvious unspoken rule.
The fact that he matched with someone meant that he didn’t just keep the app – he was actively using it.
It honestly seemed too early in the relationship for our first fight and I didn’t want to come off as clingy, jealous, or accusatory – but this was a conversation that needed to be had.
I approached the situation calmly and was honest with him about the message I received.
His explanation? He wasn’t ‘usually’ a one-woman guy.
We were having fun and I was ‘awesome’ – he didn’t want to stop what we were doing but he wasn’t ready to stop seeing other people either.
By not having the “what are we” conversation- we were both on totally separate pages.
I chose not to stay in that situation because I had to be true to myself about what I wanted- which was an actual relationship.Girlfriends – we all deserve love but more than that – we deserve respect.
Use these tips wisely as you navigate the online dating world and all the craziness that comes with it.
It will all be worth it in the end, and if nothing else- we will certainly have love – lessons learned.