The Girlfriend Dilemma: When The Guy You’re Talking To Is In A Relationship
You have just met the perfect guy.
He’s kind, sweet, funny, and he seems like he’s into you!
You actually had a unique meet-cute and for once didn’t meet on a dating app.
However, something is wrong — he has a girlfriend.
What do you do with a guy who has a girlfriend?
Is it bad to talk to a guy with a girlfriend?
Well, read on to find out if his girlfriend is a deal-breaker, why he might be talking to you if he’s already in a relationship, and if you should keep talking to him.
Who knows we may have some surprising answers for you!
Why Does He Flirt With Me If He Has A Girlfriend?
Sometimes when the two of you hang out, his comments seem a bit more than friendly.
You may be wondering, why does he flirt with me if he has a girlfriend?
This is a great question especially if the man you are hanging with is in a committed relationship.
This is also an important question to ask if you are going to continue letting this man into your life.
He’s a Friendship Flirt
I want to preface this dilemma with my own dating anecdote.
My boyfriend is notoriously a flirt.
He has dozens of platonic female friends that he would never cheat on me with, however, sometimes his kindness is misconstrued as interest.
Whenever this happens, he is appalled and surprised!
Why would a girl think he likes him?
He has a girlfriend!
Usually, I’m the one who has to point out that sometimes his behavior is a little flirty for a single woman who isn’t just looking for friendship.
Your new guy friend may be just that: a devoted boyfriend who doesn’t know the power of his dazzling blue eyes and kind words.
If this is the case, it may be best to just be what he needs, a new friend.
If you like hanging out with him, do it!
Just don’t go into the friendship hoping to be a homewrecker.
He’s a Relationship Cheat
If you read the last section and are sitting there shaking your head, thinking, no, the flirting is definitely more than friendly.
Then we may have a cheater on our hands.
A cheater starts the relationship like normal.
He tries to charm you and soon you find yourself falling for his romantic conversation starters and cheesy jokes.
You may even know he has a girlfriend and be wondering why we still flirt?
He has a girlfriend but still contacts me or I thought he liked me, but he has a girlfriend maybe just a few of the confusing thoughts running through your head.
This is not a good thing.
Even if he is the funniest, kindest, or most handsome man you’ve ever met, a cheater is never the type of guy you should date.
Chances are, you aren’t the only girl he’s flirting with.
Plus, how would his girlfriend feel if she knew he was flirting with another woman?
A man who is willing to cheat on his current girlfriend will ultimately cheat on you.
It doesn’t matter how many times he tells you you’re different.
A cheater is always a cheater.
If this is the case for your new flirtationship —- run as far and as fast as you can.
You may also want to shoot his girlfriend a text.
Us ladies need to have each other’s backs!
I’d want to know if my boyfriend was cheating on me and I bet you would too.
He Has A Girlfriend — Should I Stop Talking To Him?
This question isn’t quite as simple as yes or no, but there is one scenario that doesn’t present a crystal clear answer.
If you continue a friendship with him in hopes that he will end his current relationship or in an effort to break up his current relationship, you should stop talking to him.
This is shady.
It can be worse than this: my best friend is dating my ex behind my back.
If he shares with you that he wants a relationship with you, but needs to break up with his girlfriend first, this is also shady.
Stop talking to him.
However, if you both have a genuine friendship that doesn’t threaten his relationship, go for it.
Male and female friendships are healthy and if he has a strong partnership, his girlfriend won’t feel threatened or intimidated by you.
In fact, you may even make another new friend!
The Girlfriend Balance
If his girlfriend does feel threatened or uncomfortable with your newfound friendship, consider ways that you can establish boundaries with him, while also respecting his relationship and your friendship.
Here are a few tips:
- Take her to coffee: meet your new friend’s gf. Take her to coffee and become her friend. I’ve met some of my closest female friends through the guys they are dating. Eventually, you may realize that she’s cooler than him!
- Establish boundaries: have a conversation with your new friend about boundaries. Some examples could include not spending time with him alone late at night, letting his girlfriend know your plans together, or not texting him when you know he’s on a date night. This not only shows him that you respect his relationship, but also shows his girlfriend that you respect her as well.
- Make it clear to him that you only want friendship: by letting him know that your intentions are purely friendly, you will also weed out the cheater. A man who wants to cheat on his girlfriend won’t pursue a girl who establishes ground rules.
Prioritizing his relationship in your friendship is important and also mature.
Adult relationships don’t need to be complicated.
If you interact on the grounds of respect and trust, they won’t be.
I remember the first time I met one of my guy friend’s girlfriends.
I had thought for weeks that he was interested in me.
We got along so well and we’re constantly flirting!
However, the minute I met her I realized that our flirting couldn’t hold a candle to the long-term intimacy he had found with her.
They were perfect for each other.
Immediately, she and I became friends.
She was warm, welcoming, and completely confident that her boyfriend and I would remain platonic.
I realized that this type of trust was the foundation I wanted for a future relationship.
This couple is still together — they actually get married in the spring!
Is it Bad To Talk to a Guy Who Has A Girlfriend?
In my opinion, the answer to this is no!
However, and again, if you want to ruin his relationship — don’t try to maintain a friendship.
You are a badass queen.
You don’t need to bring down another woman to get a man.
You can get a man all on your own.
If he tries to date two women at once, then you don’t need him.
You deserve a man who gives you his full and undivided attention in a romantic relationship.
You also deserve a rich and diverse friend group of people who make you happy — whether they are male or female.
You can have both of these relationships if you remain respectful of others, mature, and true to yourself.
So get out there and find out if that guy you’ve been talking to is a friendly flirt or a cheater.
Hopefully, he’s just a flirt and you’ll end up with one — or two! — new friends,
Who knows, maybe he and his girlfriend have an even cuter single guy they can set you up with. *winky face emoji*.