Why Is My Date So TouchyRed flag or green flag?
You won’t know until you read this until the end.
So, you just met this guy, he came off as a nice person, and you enjoyed every conversation you had with him online.
You both decided to take your conversations offline and meet on a date, your first date with him.
You’ve been on several dates in the past, and from the first few conversations, you already know if there will be a second date or not.
However, this guy puts you in a very type spot, because he was very affectionate on the first date, and the conversations went as smoothly as they did when you talked online.
There is only one problem. The guy is really touchy.
This was my friend’s case, and I’m sure many women have found themselves in situations like this.
My friend ran to the restroom to give me a call lamenting that “My date keeps touching me. He is a nice guy, but I don’t know how much touching is too much and if I should mention it to him or ask to go home”.
I’m going to share with you the same thing I told her.
Touch is inevitable during dates, especially between two people who care about each other and want to test their romantic compatibility.
However, the type of touch and what it says would determine how you should react.
Also, your reaction to a touchy guy all depends on you and your preferences.
While we have ladies that are indifferent about the touchy-feely guys, we have ladies who read a lot of meaning to the touches.
On the positive side, when a guy is touchy on the first date, it could mean that the guy is comfortable with you and wants to take the relationship to the next level.
On the other hand, a touchy guy could scream red flags, danger, discomfort, and many negative feelings.
A good touch should scream respect, desire, comfort, commitment, intimacy, and affection.
You are the only one that can read the environment and know the exact message the guy is passing across.
The question you should ask yourself is, “how much touching is too much on a first date?”
This way, you can determine if you should run or stay and enjoy your date.
According to my research and statements from several women, here are some of the accepted touches from guys on a first date that won’t be interpreted in the wrong way.
- Hand touching: Nothing screams affection and safety like a little brush on the lady’s hand or hand-holding with consent, probably when he wants to cross the road with you or participate in some activities that might require him to hold your hand. When your date reaches for your hands when you try to step out of the car, he tries to say that he is not harmless but only cares about you and respects you.
- The upper part of her back: A gentle placement on the upper part of your back as you walk in heels while trying to climb staircases is also not harmful. This type of touch is under the category of necessary, affectionate, and harmless touches.
- Above the waist: Like the touches listed above, a slight touch above your waist just to help you with something is also fantastic, especially if they ask if you’re ok with it before touching you.
The moment a guy starts touching you on your lower back, thigh, hair, breast, butt, or other sensitive parts of your body, it is no longer an innocent date, and this is when you should flee.
In my friend’s case, the Mr. Nice guy wasn’t who we thought he was.
She said to me on the call, “I know exactly what positive and affectionate touch is but this guy keeps touching me inappropriately.
He slid his finger up my dress at a point, and when I flinched, he apologized. I thought it was a mistake because he seemed calm, but then he wrapped his arm around me later, and that was when I asked to leave for the bathroom.
Am I getting worried over nothing? Are there people that enjoy cuddling on first dates?”
She had a lot of questions because she wanted this date to work out.
My friend had experienced the wrong touches, and she no doubt had to run from this date because these touches are too much for a first date no matter how comfortable you are with each other.
When she got back to the table and asked to go home, the guy offered to take her home.
On their way home, he asked if he could stop at his place to pick up something.
At that point, she knew that he was no nice guy, but he only wanted to get into her pants.
As I mentioned earlier, while we have the bad touches that should end the first date immediately, there are some touches that send the right signals and make you feel like you’ve met the right person for you.
I have experienced some of these good touches, and it is how I felt connected to my husband on our first date.The moment you are able to distinguish between the good and bad touch, you will no longer be confused about a date.
When I met my husband for the first time, it was my first time going on a date, and I was 25, don’t laugh at me.
I hated that I had to play dress up and try to act like a gentle lady.
He picked me up from my house that day, and we headed for the movies.
I wore a dress because my sister had told me that I needed to act as a cool lady for once in my life.
I will draw up a few lessons from my first-date experience for you here:
- Consent: I wore a short armless black gown with heels and headed to the movies. I totally forgot that we had planned to go to the movies because I wanted to dress to impress. A few minutes into the film, I was already cold, and when Nath noticed, he asked if he could wrap his arms around me to keep me warm, and I agreed.
- Safe Touch: He grabbed my hands and rubbed them just to help me to stay warm. Trust me; I felt warmer than he had intended. Besides feeling warm, I also felt safe and realized that he was a perfect gentleman.
- Respect: Asking for my consent before touching me to know how I felt about his touch made me feel respected. He cared about how I felt and did not make assumptions for me.
- Affection: Of course, every touch meant a lot to me and made me feel deep affection for him. We had already been talking before our first date, but with his gentle gestures and touches, I knew that I would have a second and maybe a third date with him.
Being handsy on a first date doesn’t always connote affection. It can be inappropriate and offensive.
If a guy touches you on the first date and you feel all the things I listed above (i.e. he asked for consent, and the touch makes you feel safe, respected, and affectionate), then it is good for you.
However, if you feel uncomfortable or believe that the touch is too much for a first date, it is ok for you to end the date and go home as my friend did.
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