I hate online dating, but how else does anyone date in today’s world.
I remember a few years ago, probably about a decade or so now—yikes!—when online dating became popular for younger people.
All my friends created dating profiles on Tinder, Bumble, Plenty of Fish, and all the other popular dating apps.
How to flirt on Hinge, anyone?
Using a collection of photos selected with purpose, and a bio written with just the right amount of sass and smarts to seem intriguing, we all hopped on these sites, curious to get a glimpse of the dating pool outside our immediate area.
And boy, did we get what we asked for—and more.
Very quickly, there were a few things I learned.
Like the fact that no one takes the time to read your perfectly crafted bio—and I mean no one.
Or that in today’s superficial society, most men had little to no interest in asking about my hobbies—which were noted in my bio and photos—aside from using it as some sort of lame pickup line.
And that’s only scratching the mere surface of my online dating experience.
Can you relate to this?
Do you, also, share a hate for online dating?
Are you someone who says, “Online dating is not for me?”
Have you decided that, for you, dating apps are something of the past?
Well, my friend, I’m here to both sympathize with and relate to you.
Let’s dive a bit deeper into the reasons why I personally don’t love the online dating experience, and why you shouldn’t use dating apps.
But before deciding that, first I had to do a little experimenting of my own, of course.
Dating Apps Have A Bad Rep For Being Superficial
We are living in a day and age where the average adult attention span is less than 10 seconds.
When we enter into the world of online dating, we are choosing to enter a pool, and one that consists of millions of other people.
If you don’t pique someone’s interest in the least bit, and even if you do, but only vaguely, you can either choose one of two actions: you can pass on the person or “swipe right,” without much interest as to whether you wind up as a match.
In my experience, this produced a ton of “potential” matches that sat in my inbox, unanswered and, if I’m being honest, totally unacknowledged.
At one point, on Tinder, I had well over 1,000 potential matches.
And that was the end of that.
Or, it led to conversations with people that fulfilled the purpose of entertaining my boredom.
(That’s wrong, I know, but hey—I never said that I was trying to be crowned Sweetheart of the Year for my conduct on dating apps.)I used to liken the experience of online dating to that of going to the bar without actually going.
The app provides you with a selection of potential “suitors,” if you want to call it that, and you can browse through just like you would any other online shopping store.
And much of the “browsing” I did heavily revolved around looks and little else—but then again, despite what others may say, that’s what dating apps today are mostly about.
Dating Apps Don’t Really Tell You About A Person
Online dating doesn’t really facilitate a space to actually get to know someone on an intimate level.
This, I learned, was the case because of a few reasons:
- Dating apps don’t effectively screen users, so there’s no way to tell who you’re really talking to. Living outside of a major city, I’ve had conversations with all sorts of people, from felons to gang members, porn stars to drug dealers, men with angry “baby mamas” and egos as massive as the Antarctic desert—the largest on earth, and certainly, many, many men who were still living in their mothers’ basements. Likewise, I’ve also spoken with some intelligent, college-educated chaps genuinely interested in good conversation, but this was very few and far between.
- Dating apps connect you with “matches,” but constantly shove the temptation to find “new” people in users’ faces. In a society that so much about acquiring more and more of whatever and anything, really, this does not create an intimate space where two people can genuinely get to know one another with a true shared interest.
- Dating apps give users the ability to quickly ghost their dates—and move on—if a match doesn’t work out. Because there’s so many other options out there, there’s no time to feel guilty. This means that there’s most certainly a good population of people at any given time, who are using dating apps to find someone to use as a rebound from their last—or current—relationship.
Online Dating Is Awkward—And Brings Out The Awkward
When I was part of the online dating community, I remember three particular types of photos I would often see: men holding babies, men holding animals (usually dogs), and men proudly displaying an oversized fish—there are a lot of these, especially.
I always laughed at the fish photos, because they’re awkward—like many other things having to do with online dating.
I can certainly recall at least one experience when I planned to go on a date with someone I met online, and my date’s personality was nothing like I’d expected—and it was totally awkward.
He was far more timid, shy, and even difficult to speak with.
It was like pulling teeth just to get a few sentences out of him.
While this is certainly not a flaw I’m noting to poke fun at, this was not the type of personality this man conveyed online, and it caught me off guard.
Nor is it the type of personality that I’m personally attracted to.
Online he portrayed himself to be lively, witty and funny, but in person, he was none of those things.
I understand there’s a level of shyness that coincides with dating, but this was behind shyness; he embellished aspects of his personality to become something they weren’t, which also happens when dating online—and very often.
In another experience and horrendous life lesson, I met a fellow who portrayed himself as a successful and intelligent businessman.
His profile was eloquent and he presented himself as such in person.
But come to find out that this man was jobless, had several children that he wasn’t supporting and who were scattered around the state, and had no budding business career in the future.
He was merely a narcissist with a few textbooks and an ability to weave words together so they sounded smart, but didn’t really make any sense.
My point is that online dating is awkward in that way that profiles are like advertisements.
They use fancy words and compelling photos to capture our attention—a walking advertisement for a personality and life that isn’t really truthful, like most ads out there.
Not only is this false advertising at its finest, but in the hands of the wrong characters, it can also be dangerous.
If I Take A Break From Online Dating, Can It Work?
It’s the age of Sophia, the AI robot that now wants to get pregnant—and hence, anything is possible.
If you’re intrigued to take a stab at the online dating experience, I encourage you to do so.
Depending on how long you’re dedicated to this task, you’ll learn a lot about yourself, and more about other people.
What made me decide to call it quits with online dating for good, is when I made the effort to meet partners outside of phone apps, and found those encounters more telling and fulfilling right off the bat.
Now, I am in a satisfied, mature relationship, an accomplishment considering many of my past debacles, and it’s with someone whom I met in real life, through people that I care about and who care about me.
A much better, safer, and worthwhile scenario, if you ask me.
But the choice is yours, my friend.
Either way, keep your feelers up and on high alert—but have fun with it, truly.
Online dating is a world of its own.